Chief
* Leaps short buildings with a single bound
* Is more powerful than a ladder truck
* Is faster than a speeding bullet
* Walks on water
* Gives policy to God
Deputy Chief
* Leaps short buildings with a single bound
* Is more powerful than a pumper
* Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
* Walks on water if sea is calm
* Talks with God
Assistant Chief
* Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
* Is almost as powerful as a pumper
* Is faster than a speeding BB
* Walks on water in indoor swimming pools
* Talks with God if special request is approved
Engineer
* Barely clears straw huts
* Loses tug-of-war with pumpers
* Can fire a speeding bullet
* Swims well
* Is occasionally addressed by God
Captain
* Makes high marks on buildings when trying to leap them
* Is run over by a pumper
* Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
* Dog paddles in swimming pools
* Talks with animals
Lieutenant
* Runs into buildings when trying to leap them
* Recognizes pumpers two out of three times
* Is not allowed to use guns
* Can stay afloat if properly instructed in the use of a life jacket
* Talks to walls
Fire Fighter
* Lifts buildings and walks under them
* Kicks fire engines and equipment out of the way
* Catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them
* Freezes water with a single glance
* He is God
Q: What does CHAOS stand for?
A: The Chiefs Have Arrived On Scene!
You Know You're A Firefighter If...
* You can tell what type of fire it is by the smell of smoke 10 miles away.
* You have ever had a heated debate over the color of firetrucks.
* You have ever spent 10 minutes trying to force open a door only to have someone come along and open it by turning the handle.
* You lay out your clothes from that day so if there is a call at night you can find them quickly.
* You take great joy in smashing the windows of a car parked in a fire zone or in front of a hydrant.
* You have ever been airborne without an aircraft and water was your thrust.
* You always wear red suspendors.
* You carry a ton of specially modified tools in your pocket.
* You ever cursed out someone for armor-alling the seats to make them look nice.
* You've ever clung to the air horn chord for dear life because the driver is insane.
* You have ever played jingle bells at Xmas time on the air horns to clear traffic.
* You have ever said, "she's hot tonight" and NOT been talking about a girl.
* You have ever called a person found after a fire a "crispy critter".
* You have ever smoked and there wasn't a cigarette in sight.
*You have ever stomped out a fire with your boots because you couldn't wait for water.
* You have ever walked 3 miles into the woods in 100 degree heat in full turnout gear and a 5 gallon or more water can strapped on your back just to put out a fire.
* Your kids are afraid to get into water fights with you.
* "Climbing the corporate ladder" has nothing to do with career advancement.
* Your work gear makes you sound like Darth Vader.
* You roll around in anything that just burrned to make your new gear look old.
* You take pride in the fact that you haven't washed your gear in years.
*You carry enough in your pockets to give the Swiss army knives competition.
* You carry enough in your car to extinguish a minor blaze.
* You have ever juggled hot coals with your gloves.
* Your own vehicle has more lights than a Christmas tree.
* All the shirts you own say you are a firefighter.
* You find yourself living at the firedepartment 365 days a year.
* When you go to rent a movie and come back with Backdraft Everytime.
* You have more pagers than money in your wallet.
* If the smell of fire excites you more than sex does.
* If assembling a mile and a half of hose running up a hill to catch a fire is a good day.
* The microwave goes off and you run out of the house thinking it was your pager.
* If you have ever woken up thinking your pager went off and as you look at it, it does.
* When you really think that rusty old hydrant will look good in the garden.
* All your friends give you t-shirts from their departmens for your birthday, Christmas, anniversary etc.
* If your wife voluntarily chooses the lumpy side of the bed to avoid being trampled in route to a call!
* If your wife/girlfriend has learned to duck and take cover when she hears the pager go off for fear of being run down.
*If you had to extricate someone by cutting the car doors off on one side and realized there was nothing wrong with the doors on the other side.
* If you have more toy fire trucks than your kids do.
Golfing
The Chief and his Deputy went golfing together one Saturday morning, as they have done since they were cadets 24 years ago. You might say these guys were fanatics about their golfing.
That afternoon the Deputy returned home exhausted, and plopped down dejectedly in his easy chair. His wife, concerned by his appearance, asks if something went wrong with his game.
"No, no," he replied, "I had the best game I had in years! As a matter of fact, I started out the first three holes at 4 under par, including a hole-in-two on the 3rd."
"So why are you so beat?" his wife asked.
"Well, the Chief had a heart attack and died on the 4th hole," he said.
"What?!? And you're so exhausted from trying to save him, huh?"
"No, It was very quick and there was nothing anyone could've done. But after that, it was just hit the ball, drag the Chief, hit the ball, drag the Chief...."
The Chief
A fire chief died and went to heaven. When he got there he saw a long line waiting to get in to the pearly gates. He told himself, "I’m a fire chief, I’m not going to wait in line". He went to the angels guarding the gates and said, "Let me in, I’m a fire chief."
The angels replied, "You’ll have to wait in line like everyone else, sir."
While waiting at the back of the line he saw a sedan pull up with red lights and a man got out wearing a white helmet that said "CHIEF" The angels popped to attention and let the chief enter heaven. The waiting fire chief was pissed and went to talk to the angels.
He asked, "why did you let that fire chief go through and not me?"
To which the angels replied, "You have it all wrong, sir. that’s GOD, he just thinks he’s a fire chief".
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF ROLLING CODE
1. Thou shalt threat thy pumper as though it were your firstborn child.
2. Blow thy siren and shine thy light with great vigor enroute.
3. Know where thy goest at all times.
4. Be certain all those in attendance are affixed prior to venturing forth.
5. Thou shalt arriveth shiny side up.
6. Be ever so humble when thy mic is keyed.
7. Thou shalt not leave thy station 'til thy door is openeth.
8. Thou shalt not closeth thy bay door too soon.
9. Thou shalt closeth all compartment doors when thou art done.
10. Thou shalt never chastise thy driver for making a wrong turn when it results in a return to the firehouse.
